Too many toys

My grandparent's have a wonderful 'toy bag' that they have kept for visiting children. It has entertained many many children of all ages .. and yet it is filled with things you might not recognise as toys. An old set of keys. A wallet filled with out dated money and cards. An old cell phone. Old ties. Old scarves. Some shells. A pair of goggles. Some ends of wool.

I looked at it today, watching my two children deeply absorbed in play with these 'toys'. I realised that, despite my best intentions, we have far too many toys.

Fortunately, we don't have a lot of junk toys ... being a 'Steiner' family our friends and relatives have been pretty respectful about not buying us $2 shop plastic junk. But even in the realm of 'quality toys' we have too many.

I have enjoyed challenging myself to think 'what would I take the in RV' (this is my fantasy alternative life where we follow the example of the Happy Janssens and live in a bus!). When it comes to toys, I think for my children the list would be:

- some lengths of rope that can be tied around trees to create swings and climbing frames

- some plain wooden blocks

- some small blankets (crocheted by Nana) and playsilks

- a doll

- a couple of small wooden cars

- some beeswax crayons and paper

- some stacking boxes

- balls - a cloth one for inside and a plastic one for outside

- a few favourite books

And that would be it!

Nature would provide the rest, twigs, leaves, shells, rocks ... stuff that can come and go. Also, the recycling bin is always a good source of play materials ... yoghurt pottles, milk lids etc.

So tell me (if any one is still reading this!!!) what would you take in your 'RV toybox'?

Take my advice - I'm clearly not using it

So having written about the value of a simple life, I had to laugh at myself today when I realised how darned busy I have been the last two days. Pair this hysterical busy-ness with a week of appalling sleep from our teething 8 month old and voila - its 8pm on a Friday night and I am already in my pyjamas and writing this from bed. On the verge of collapse, or at least tears, from exhuastion. (Yes, my husband is probably right that I am a tad melodramatic).

Why do I do this to myself? Even with the best of intentions to simplify my schedule I keep saying 'yes' and finding myself in a flurry of playdates.

I could ... should .... have postponed the back to back playdates today given the complete lack of sleep. My friends wouldn't have minded. I could have walked up the road, got a really strong takeaway coffee and headed to the library. The day could have been peaceful.

But instead this morning I frantically baked a big batch of cupcakes, organised some activities for the kids to do and tried to do the days jobs before visitors arrived 9.30. It then seemed I spent the whole day battling with Munchkin who is in a phase where she wants to 'whack' everyone and everything that frustrated her. Now, I'm behind on the washing, I don't have bags packed for our outings tomorrow and after dinner I had to quickly cook up a kilo of chicken so that it can go in the freezer before it spoils ... with Little Guy on my hip. A peaceful day would have been so much better for all involved.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the company. In fact, I crave company which is why I tend to do this to myself. But we all pay the price.

So this time, I'm taking my own advice - I'm off to sleep!

Simplify, Simplify, Simplify

I remember when I was at university I saw the book ‘Simplify your Life' by Elaine St James on the counter at the university bookshop. Despite my rather meagre student finances I bought it immediately and read the whole thing on the bus ride home. I was hooked. The notion of deliberately choosing a life that is ‘outwardly simple, inwardly rich’ resonated deeply. Since then, voluntary simplicity has been a driving value for me. I haven't always succeeded, but I have always aspired to live this way.

Now there is (of course!) a book called ‘Simplicity Parenting'. I haven’t read it but Grace has reviewed it very positively, and having read the first chapter on Amazon it certainly looks like a good read. It has got me thinking a lot about what ‘simple parenting’ means to me.

An old-fashioned childhood

I want my children to have an old fashioned kind of childhood … to climb more trees and watch less TV. To take all morning to get dressed, to read the same book 20 times in one day and to make forts with sheets over chairs in the lounge. To have one special doll and love her, not a collection of 40 Barbies and always be wanting more. To take all day to potter in the garden, or bake biscuits in the kitchen.

A stay at home mum

My life is simpler because we actually stay home a lot, rather than fill our days with playgroups, music classes, toddler gymnastics, play dates, and coffee groups. Our mornings are much calmer as there is no pressure to be anywhere. I don’t need to pack lunches and bags. I don’t need to pay fees or organise resources or sit on committees. Now we only have one car life is even simpler … if we can’t walk there in the pushchair, we can’t go! Plus, getting kids into the pushchair seems so much simpler than herding them in and out of carseats.

Avoiding mall trall

We try as far as possible to avoid the excesses of todays commercial culture (oooh, that sounds terribly self righteous). We don’t watch TV with the kids so they don’t see the ads for all the amazing toys. We try not to take them to malls and department stores, so they don’t see things to ask for. We try not to clutter our home with plastic junk. The odd time we do find ourselves in a K’Mart and experience the pester-power of a 3 year old we are quickly reminded of how much staying away keeps our life, and our home simple.

Beware the supermums

You know the supermums don’t you … the ones whose 2 year olds are already ‘preccious readers’ and are heading off to gifted programmes. The ones who anxiously teach colours, letters and numbers, agonise over each developmental milestone, and phone Plunketline twice a day to check everything out. These mums will stress you out … I tend to give them a wide berth!

Let go of perfectionism

My life is complicated by my ambition to be some of kind of perfect Waldorf mom who cooks biodynamic food from scratch, sews and knits and needle-felts and has nothing in the house that is formed or synthetic.

But for me, real life isn’t like that. Friends and family have different values, and I’d rather spend time enjoying my children than fermenting yoghurt. My heart broke the first time I saw how much Munchkin loved Dora the Explorer. It didn’t fit the picture in my head of what she ‘should’ be into … but that is my issue not hers.

And so when a loving aunty gave her a Dora doll for her birthday, and my grandparents gave her a Dora book I chose not to worry. Not to try to ‘hide’ the doll, or have a ‘little chat’ to the rellies about why we don’t have those things in our house. Instead, I bought her some Dora stickers to go with it and decided that life would be a lot simpler if I let go of my Waldorfy perfectionism.

We have even started watching the odd DVD here … I have three DVDs for Munchkin. She goes through stages of being quite into them, and when she’s having one of those days and Little Guy is refusing to settle they are a god-send. I am glad I fought the battle for as long as I did, but for me the decision to stop being a TV Nazi has made life a lot easier!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. What makes life at your place simple, or complicated?

Toddler snacks and lunches

For some reason, I find lunch the hardest meal of the day. If Munchkin and I had our way, we would have sushi every day ... but the budget of doom doesn't allow it and my one attempt at making it was an un-mitigated disaster. I love cooking, but I'm rubbish at anything fiddly and sushi is definately fiddly.

From time to time we fall into the trap of having marmite or peanut butter sandwiches every day for a week or so, which quickly gets boring, and means that I am personally starving my 4pm and start eating everything in the cupboard (including peanut butter by the spoonful). So, as a general rule I do try to put a bit of effort in. (as always, my apologies for my dreadful photos but I thought they might give you some ideas!)

While I do often bake little things for snacks and lunches (I must get around to posting some recipes), a lot of the time I want things that are really simple and quick. In the interests of nutrition I very loosely aim for a mix of proteins, carbohydrates, vegetables and fruit. I thought I would share my 'master list' of lunch ideas, many of which double up for snacks.

Protein
- hardboiled eggs
- omelette strips
- canned tuna or salmon
- freedom farms shaved ham (hooray, you can now buy this at the supermarket)
- leftover meat especially sausages

- cubes of cooked tofu that has been marinated in a little soy sauce
- chickpeas whole or as hummus
- chunks of edam cheese
- yoghurt (great for dipping fruit)

- feta cheese

- fried haloumi cheese

Carbohydrate
- pita bread triangles
- small sandwiches with marmite, jam or honey
- baby pinwheels (cut crusts off a slice of bread, butter it, roll it up and slice it)
- pasta - penne or spirals
- couscous (best eaten outside - its really messy!)

- israeli couscous

- breakfast cereal
- bagel slices
- mini crackers

- new potatoes (cold with mayonnaise for mummy!)

- pastry shapes

Vegetables
- avocado chunks

- cucumber slices
- cherry tomatoes
- frozen peas
- broccoli (my daughter loves broccolli so we eat it A LOT)
- grated carrot
- bell peppers (red, yellow and orange are the sweetest)
- grated beetroot, carrot and apple mixed together
- sweetcorn

Fruit
- apples
- pears
- mandarin segments
- grapes
- banana slices

- persimmon slices

- gorgeous summer stuff like strawberries and blueberries

- tinned peaches, pears or pineapple

- kiwifruit

- dried apricots, sultanas or apples

Leave me a comment and let me know whats on your lunch table at the moment.

Sleeping Montessori Style ... Floor Beds

Just a quick break from my very loooonnnggg posts on the areas of play (I hope to have Messy Play up in the next couple of days).

A friend kindly forwarded me a link to the University of Auckland's early years education journal, which is now available online. And in it, along with a very interesting article on gun play, was this article about Montessori Floor Beds.

Its an article from the floor bed concept, which I first came across in 'How to raise an amazing child' (could there be a worse name for a book???)

Munchkin was in a 'floor bed' when we stopped co-sleeping at about 9 months. It meant I could still co-sleep part time, and she slept so well there ... while she never settled in a cot. This article explains the ins and outs of it extremely well, I encourage you to have a read!

Family Play Part 2 - Setting up at home

"The serious side of life, with all its demands in daily work, is re-enacted in deep earnestness by the child in its play". Rudolf Steiner

Family play is such a fundamental part of a child’s life that I couldn't just stop at one post! I really wanted to share some ideas about setting up family play at home, because this will lead into all sorts of other play too.

The kids and I spend a lot of time at home these days, so our home becomes our kindergarten - and boy, looking around our lounge at 5pm you can sure tell! The cushions could be on the floor having been a makeshift hospital ... the children's chairs have been tipped upside down to make a cafe counter … there is a sheet over the dining table creating a play house with most of my pots and pans inside.

My point is that setting up play at home isn't actually about lots of resources ... its about allowing the home you have to be a playspace. Tidying up time can be a bit of a mission, but really in the big scheme of things what’s a bit of mess? I believe we give our children a great gift by allowing them to really, really play in their own homes.

Whether you are a 'Waldorf mum' or not, I think the Steiner/Waldorf approach to family play translates extremely well to the home environment. This is because, rather than give our chidren 'formed' toys that they quickly tire of, we provide resources that are limited only by the imagination of our little ones. Here are my picks for the 'essentials' for Waldorf family play at home.

A basket of playsilks or muslin wraps. Silk is a beautiful fabric for play, but we all have budgets so baby muslin wraps dyed a variety of colours will do almost as well. I bought a 3 pack of wraps at the supermarket in red, yellow and green ... and they have been the most popular 'toy' I have bought. These wraps get used as wrapping paper for pretend presents, blankets to wrap babies, hide and seek blankets, green grass or blue sea for a story, a sling for a doll baby ....

photocredit:waldorfmama.com

Cane baskets of varying sizes. While a doll's cot is really lovely, a basket can be a baby's bed, but can then turn into a car-seat, a boat, tipped upside down to become a mountain. As a toddler, Munchkin loves carrying baskets around filled with heavy things, dumping them out and refilling them for sheer pleasure. Now she is deep in imaginative play they are used in new ways every day.

Unformed 'Waldorf blocks'. These are easy to make - get a branch, saw it into different widths, sand them and polish them with olive oil or beeswax. These are wonderful toys - your toddler will build them up and knock them down, or put them into a cane basket and carry it around. In the imaginative eyes of your preschooler these blocks can be anything - a car, a boat, a highchair, a present, a mountain. A 4 year old girl who visits here often always sets them up as a tea party – beautiful!

Small dishes and utensils. If money is no object, then there are beautiful wooden sets available for children, and if plastic doesn't bother you there are a myriad of plastic ones available for nix. Often homewares stores and souvenir shops sell small wooden side plates at reasonable prices. We use wooden honey spoons, metal ice-tongs, teaspoons from the kitchen drawer, all sorts of thing! Those of you that manage to find good deals at op shops will find them a treasure trove for this sort of thing. Put them in a basket and see what emerges.

Child sized table and chairs. These have incredible play value beyond just somewhere to sit. The table can easily become the shop, a chair becomes a doll's highchair or put the chairs together and create an oven. Then turn table upside down to become a boat, or cover the chairs with a playsilk. Of course, like all Steiner mums I dream of owning some Waldorf playstands … I’m working on hubby to build some!

Baskets of natural materials. Think large walnut shells cut in half, wooden pegs, large shells, pinecones, some unspun wool, seedpods, acorns, (watch out for choking risks of course). They are used in so so many ways ... the food in the cafe or the kitchen, coins for the shop, spoons for feeding baby ...

A special doll. Every child needs a special doll ... even boys who, while they play with dolls quite differently still need to 'play out' what they see in the world around them. I personally love the soft, cuddly warmth of a handmade Waldorf doll, even if they aren’t as practical as a plastic one. But whatever you choose, this doll will become your child's baby.

photocredit:nova

A dolls pushchair. One of the few 'formed' toys that I think every child needs is a decent quality dolls pushchair. I am always struck by how popular these are. Toddlers who are just learning to walk love pushing these around - one very active boy at our Steiner playgroup used to spend almost the whole session pushing one around at great speed. Older boys seem to enjoy them almost as 'indoor wheelbarrows', while girls typically (and I hesitate to sterotype) enjoy pushing their doll babies, with a handbag (read cane basket or tied up playsilk) attached to the handle. You can buy plastic versions very cheaply, but they do tip, and eventually break. A good quality wooden pushchair will outlast all your children, and probably your grandchildren too.

Most importantly though, we need to give our children something to imitate in their play. I've already mentioned the way that children learn through imitation, and the way that Waldorf teachers carry out 'worthy' tasks during a kindergarten session.

At home, it makes a huge difference what mum is doing. If we are busy on the computer, quickly rushing around with the vacuum cleaner, throwing the washing in the dryer and cooking dinner out of jars, our children don't see a lot they can imitate in play.

But when we purposely slow down, and do just some of our tasks the old fashioned way, we give our children a wonderful source of ideas. This means sweeping the floors, chopping the vegetable, using an egg-beater rather than a food processor, pegging out the washing, kneading bread rather than using a bread maker, washing dishes by hand. I can feel you all rolling your eyes at me, and I'm not suggesting we do all these tasks all the time, but when we do we make our life at home welcoming and inclusive of our children.

"The primary reason so many parents today find it difficult to be with young children is because modern life doesn’t provide what young children need ... The Waldorf teacher models her classroom and activities on the healthy home. You, the parents, have such a home, or at least the possibility of creating one" Rahima Baldwin Dancy,
You Are Your Child's First Teacher

Imitation and Inner Work

Our responsibility for a true 'order' needs to extend inwards as well as outwards. Just because all that we do is imitated by children at such a deep level, we are faced with the task of being responsible for all that goes on in the childs surroundings, for our movements and gestures, for our speech but also for our inner feelings, thoughts and impulses which we may try to keep hidden. They are probably not as hidden from small children as we often believe, even if their experience of what is going on in us is not fully conscious ... Gudrun Davy

The Journey of a Mother,

Lifeways - Working with Family Questions

Mindful parenting calls on us to be better than we ever thought we could be. What we do shapes our children's worlds ... who we are shapes who they will become. This quote by Gudrun Davy really brought it home to me - if I don't like something my children are doing, I need first to look at what I am doing.

In Waldorf education, imitation is seen as the primary way that young children learn. In Steiner's own words"the little child, up to the age of seven, up to the change of teeth, is essentially imitative. He learns by doing what he sees being done around him. Fundamentally, all activities of the child's early years are imitations.

Its one thing to be aware of the example we give children with practical things - pouring milk with two hands for example, or sweeping the floor. If I am rushing, short tempered, clumsy, not concentrating ... should I be suprised when Munchkin tries to pour the milk one handed and spills it everywhere???

But the concept of imitation goes much further - we don't just teach practical skills by imitation, we teach skills of the heart. The way that I might sigh heavily as I hang up the phone, having just learned hubby is coming home late from work. The expression of frustration on my face when a shopkeeper takes too long to scan my groceries. The way I stifle a yawn when listening to a toddlers very confusing explanation of something. The way I get frazzled when the house is a mess, and rush around with gritted teeth cleaning up.

And its not enough just to put on a happy face, or to sing a song as we work, with a light voice but a heavy heart. I heard a mother say that she 'usually tries to fake a good mood' around the children, even when she doesn't feel like it. But, the problem is, children are smart. They will pick up this faking, they will learn from it, they will imitate it. As Gudrun Davy says, what is going on inside us is 'probably not as hidden from small children as we often believe'.

So where does this leave us? We are certainly not perfect, none of us are, yet this job of mothering is so impossibly hard, and critically important. Beating ourselves up isn't going to help, unless we want our children to learn that too!

In my mind, it brings me back to the importance of inner work. What do I need to do for myself to make sure I am calm, energised, focussed, happy, content?

Well, of course, Steiner had a lot of thoughts on this and gave teachers instructions on inner work. (If anyone has a specific link to this I would love to know!) Steiner stressed that meditation is absolutely the most important thing to do, but it can seem impossible when you are up late rocking a crying newborn, and up early with a fracious toddler. Even so, I find that when I discipline myself to do few minutes of focussed breathing before bed it is easier to stay calm in the chaos of the day. If I can, even just occassionally, provide an example of inner calm to imitate, that must be worth something!

I read somewhere that Steiner teachers are encouraged to be in bed by 9.00pm, sensible as we all know what a good night sleep means for both children and parents! The other exercise that Steiner teachers are encouraged to do, is as you go to sleep at night, bring each child into your minds eye and hold them in love and reverence. Give thanks for this child in your life, and see them as the spiritual beings they are. I find (and again, I wish I could say I did this every night) that this helps me to move on from the days frustrations and hurts, and to start the morning anew.

More than suburban neurosis

There seems to be something of an epidemic of postnatal anxiety or depression. I have counted eleven of my mummy friends have been on medication of some kind for these conditions. Eleven that I know of ... of course there are probably even more.

So what is going on? It seems that the acceptable solution to life with young children, to the hormonal madness, the physical exhaustion, the emotional toll ... is firstly to medicate the pain away and then, so very often, to put the children in daycare so the mothers can have a break. And, somehow, this is acceptable???? This is coping ???? Rather than look at real solutions we just pop a pill, write a cheque and get on with life.

In the circle of women that I know, it seems that the second child is when women are more likely to suffer, and that was certainly the case for me. Having a second child was huge ... I have never experienced such deep exhaustion. And yet, there is just never a break, as soon as Gidget was born I was 'needed' back at home, I had to carry on. Husbands and grandmothers have to work, the house doesn't run itself, someone has to look after the toddler.

When did it become a badge of honour for a new mother to 'bounce back' immediately after birth? Why do we say to each other 'gosh you are doing well' when we see mothers of newborn babies out in public?

In the Waldorf approach, the first six weeks of a babys life are seen as a particularly sacred time. In these first forty days, the child's connection to the spirit world is still wide open. Ideally the mother and baby would be left largely alone for this time, and the newborn wouldn't be exposed to any bright lights, extremes of temperature or loud noises. Steiner isn't the only person to suggest this, its the norm in many tribal cultures and has been that way historically. This first six weeks isn't just critically important for the baby either, its vital for the mothers healing and for her ability to cope with the challenging times ahead.

So I wonder ... if the first six weeks were honoured and protected as a time for mother and baby to be nurtured and protected, would mothers be less likely to suffer these mental and emotional problems?

Mothering young children is very very very hard work. Mothering a newborn baby is all-consuming, and mothers and young babies need and deserve more support. By support, I mean more practical support, not more encouragment to visit the GP for a prescription.

What support looks like will depend on you .. but it might be longer stays at decent birthcare places. It might look like paid paternity leave for six weeks for fathers, to allow them to be at home. Having someone come to clean the house, ideally a couple of times a week. Grandparents and aunties taking over the laundry. Friends setting up a meal roster. Even doing online grocery shopping makes a massive difference

But most of all, the support we need is encouragement, and in fact expectation that new mothers and their babies will spend the first 40 days resting at home. The real badge of honour should be 'I wore pyjamas for six weeks'.

Rhythm 101

Rhythm is a term you will hear a lot in Waldorf, and for me it was a hard one to get my head around ... perhaps because I saw it as related to routine, structure, and timetables. As I have worked with the concept, I have come to see it more in terms of harmony, nature and flow.

"the wonder of these rhythms is that they are 'precise' without being 'exact' like a mechanical clock. our breathing and heart rates change, our digestion and sleep rhythms can adapt. Like music, there can be speeding up and slowing down, different parts can move more quickly or more slowly, but the whole is harmoniously integrated'.
John Davy, "Living in Real Time" Lifeways - Working with Family Questions

Oh for life with children to be a 'harmoniously integrated' whole. With two childen I have found that life often feels tacycardic rather than rhythmical ... ... the baby won't stop screaming, five nappies need changing in an hour, the toddler has covered herslef in water and has now emptied the rice container over the floor .... and its still only 7.15am!

I find it helpful to think of rhythms in nature. Night follows day, summer follows spring, sometimes it rains and sometimes it shines. Establishing this strong rhythmical feeling at home is so important, and yet so challenging.

If I have achieved any success in establishing rhythm, it is from slowing down, doing less. I think the mantra for parents with young children should be 'less is more'. Steiner kindergartens are often described as having a 'timeless' quality ... somehow there is never chaos there perhaps because there is never a rush. There is always plenty of time to do what needs to be done.

For us, the cornerstone of a strong rhythm is a strong routine. Not rushing through the day ... just doing the same things in the same way, day in and day out. Wake up time with a cuddle in the dim light ... our daughter is a hyped-up chatterbox first thing, but a long cuddle seems to ground her so that she is ready for the day. Mealtimes are timely, calm, and eaten at the table not 'on the run'. Tidying up happens automatically, I try to sing or hum as I go. Outings yes ... but home in time for lunch. In the evenings its bath, dinner, story, teeth and bed ... same way every night.

This routine is filled with rituals ... songs that are sung, candles that are lit, stories that are told, cups that are used ... little things that matter so much to young children. We strive for a balance of 'in breaths' and 'out breaths' ... quieter, calmer times to balance the massive energy, action and noise of a toddler.

When we are out of tune with our rhythm, we all suffer. Mum gets stressed, Dad gets grumpy, Munchkin throws tantrums and Gidget gets colicky ... and downwards we go.

There are some wonderful resources around about rhythm ... two of the best I have found online are this article and particularly the comments by Rahima Baldwin Dancy, and this article at The Parenting Passageway, which is one of my all time favourites.

Worth musing over

I love these excerpts from ‘The Playcentre Way’ which is an old (1980?) book by Alisa Densem, and thought I'd share them.

‘Children can be exposed to an enormous number of concepts simply with a word, a question, or a sensitive comment. Such as:

Can you tell me about …?
What do you think about ….?
Tell me more.
How do you explain that?
What do you think?
Wonder what would happen if?
How can we do?
Could we build this with this?
Lets see if – Lets’ find out.
How does is feel?
Shall we try?

______________


Make necessary limits. Children accept limits from people who genuinely care for them. It takes time to build up trust. Every adult is responsible for not permitting a child to act in undesirable ways such as hurting others, or taking things from others, or being destructive. It is unwise to disregard unacceptable behaviour, such as hitting another child, in the hope that the situation will right itself. WE help the aggressor in the long run by stopping his behaviour on the stop where it occurs in a matter-of-fact way. We can say "no" so that he child knows we mean it, without resorting to physical punishments ourselves. We may take away the stick he has used to hit with, or the toy he has misused. He may protest, he may resist, he may be angry with us. He has the right to feel any way he wishes, but he doesn’t not have the right to act in any way he wishes. We are helping him to learn the difference between the inner world of feelings, where behaviour must be limited and controlled.

Teaching babies to read - who's really the dummy?

Last week on a leading current affairs show a supposed 'expert' promoting the Your Baby Can Read programme. The premise seems to be that babies as young as three months will benefit from a structured daily schedule of DVD watching and flashcard practice

These sorts of things make me both sad and angry. Sad that parents want to co-erce their children into early reading, want to spend time doing this sort of 'tutoring' rather than playing together. Angry that parents are being taken advantage of in this way, and that children are growing up in this kind of pressure cooker environment.

We have known for a long time that yes, babies can be taught to recognise written words early on - by sight not by actually reading. But we have also known for a long time that this doesn't have any long term benefit, and may actually be harmful.

There are many neuropsychologists, developmental specialists, occupational therapists and teachers who are concerned that our current trend in this country of pushing “academics” in preschool and kindergarten will result in even greater increases in the number of children, particularly boys, diagnosed with attentional problems and visual processing types of learning disabilities. Susan Johnson MD, Lilipoh, Fall 2007: Issue #49, Vol. 12

Parents in favour of the programme say that they want to expand their children's world, and open up the wonderful world of books to them early. Certainly books are a wonderful part of a children's life, and being read to every day by a parent is critically important. But children being able to read books to themselves is a joy of a later stage of childhood - why rush this? Why not just let toddlers be toddlers, building towers and knocking them down, playing in mud and water, putting dolls to bed and pretending to put nappies on them.

Steiner children, despite not being taught reading until seven have been widely assessed at catching up to their peers by the time they are nine. Starting early has no long term advantage.

To put it simply, teaching little babies and toddlers to read is a nonsense. Yes, they will memorise the flashcards but so what? The part of their brain that reads fluently simply hasn't been developed yet. Its so much better to wait.

Passionate Play

Blog surfing as I do, I came across this post which had a link to this document about schemas in early childhood. A schema seems to a ‘theme’ that is particularly apparent in a childs play at a particular point in time. So, for example one of the schema is ‘transporting’ – which you will see if your child has a ‘Picking things up, moving them, and putting them down or dumping them. Perhaps using pram, bag, basket, truck or wheelbarrow. Usually has full hands’.

According to the article (which first appeared in the New Zealand Playcentre Association Journal) “Schemas are extremely useful because children's passions are what drives them to become most deeply engaged and deep engagement is what we need to identify in order to support and scaffold children's learning most effectively” It might just be me, but I think this is fascinating. Of course, it is just common sense when you look at the document – think about the things your child is really passionate about and then apply those across different areas of play.

However, being just a little bit too academic for my own good I love having a model to work with. Already today it has really changed the way I play with Munchkin. Her main ‘schema’ (it’s a dreadful word isn’t it – please someone think of a more intuitive label for it) is transporting which I mentioned above, but she’s also into ‘Enclosure and Enveloping’ - Surrounds things. Likes getting inside a defined area e.g. a block building, tyre or barrel. Gets into boxes. Covers completely, wraps up. Hides. Gets into boxes and closes lids”

So today, when I wanted to find something for her to play with at the café (wasn’t I lucky having Sunday brunch out!) I consciously thought about these two schema, and gave her some spoons, a sugar sachet and a plastic cup to hide them in. She had a ball … because I was providing opportunities for her to explore what she is passionate about. I have more consciously encouraged her ‘shopping game’ – and hours today were spent putting things in her little hand-bag and taking them around the house (transportation schema). Later this evening I set up a small table for her with some full cans of (unopened) drink, a cardboard box and a wide mouthed jam jar.

This matrix made me realise how often I try to show Munchkin things to play with that just aren’t what she is interested in – things like making sand castles or building towers (connecting) when she actually wants to fill buckets of sand, move sand from one end to the other, and then push buckets of sand around in a wheel barrow.

Schema’s aren’t a concept I’ve come across before – I am not sure if they are Playcentre specific or are used more widely in early childhood education, let alone in the Steiner/Waldorf context but I’d love to know.

Back to Basics

Its been rather a long time between posts hasn't it. I have no good excuses, but I think I am indulging rather in being a full time SAHM. Isn't it funny that the more time we have, the less we manage to do. Or is that just me?

So, the house is a tip (really, I'm not just saying that) and I really need to put some effort into establishing better routines.

When I was working part time, we had a cleaning lady every week. Luxury! So I could manage the day to day washing, cooking, straightening and surface cleaning pretty easily. I just cleaned as I went, and knew that every Tuesday I would come home to a sparkling clean house.

But now - I'm trying to keep the house clean and sparkly, with an 18 month old running around beside me. Its kind of funny really - well I'm trying to look at it that way. Yesterday it took all afternoon to do the vaccuuming. She screamed everytime I turned it on - usually it doesn't bother her at all. So at 5.00 when Hubby came home he carried her around and they both watched me vaccuum. She found this quite exciting and everytime I turned the thing off I heard 'more more more'.

Today it was the bathroom's turn. I armed her with her very own dishcloth, and got her wiping the outside of the bath. Of course, she just wanted to climb in, and play with the spray bottle. But with lots of singing and cheering we managed to get the bathroom into a reasonably clean state. I'm just not sure how much vinegar and baking soda solution she might have ingested - I'm sure its not recommended for toddlers!

Some tasks though I'm just not sure I can do with her in tow. Cleaning the toilet is just impossible as she has a flushing obsession. The dishwasher desperately needs a clean (how do they get so grubby in all those nooks and crannies?) but she would love to climb right in to the machine.

Of course, I haven't just been doing housework around here. If it was, the house wouldn't look quite so 'lived in'.

As well as my mission to perfect home made fruit-bread (more on that when I have succeeded) I have been reading a wonderful little book called 'Magic Places' by Penny Brownlee. It is published by the New Zealand Playcentre Association (Playcentre is a wonderful New Zealand invention - a parent run early childhood education centre - check it out). Sadly, you can't get this little book on amazon, but most NZ libraries seem to have it!

This little book is all about creativity with children - how to encourage their artistic skills and how to set up good quality artistic activities for them.

"Creativity is also part of the treasure each child comes with ... We need to be vigilant in making sure that the seedbed of the child's creativity is tended, watered and not trampled on'.

She talks abut how 'experience soaks in through the senses' and gives an example of a young child looking at a pine cone 'he feels and weights it. He feels and tastes it with his mouth. He listens and smells. He looks at it this way and that way, every which way, and maybe he wonders and imagines. (the child) needs us to make sure he has all sorts of real and rich experiences'.


I also really like her 'rules for adults'

1. The child is the creator. We never draw, make or model for the child.
2. Stay in the scribbling stage when working alongside children.
3. The child chooes from their experience. We never tell a child what to draw make or mdoel.
4. The child does it their way.
5. The child's creative potential is protected. We avoid presenting activities which rob children of their creativity (colouring in, templates, tracing, stencils).


"The creating must belong to the child. It is in the creating that the value lies for the child. It is their process; they are reflecting on their experience, making their unique expression into the world"

Its not a Steiner book - there is no 'wet painting' or beeswax modelling, and clay is used with young children - but its a wonderful and extremely practical guide to helping your children develop their creative potential, and its given me some great ideas to get started with.

Roll out the beeswax I say!

Early to bed

Uncommon Grace has written a beautiful post on her belief in a seven o clock bedtime, and how she organises her life to get there.


It got me thinking about our battles with bedtime, and our journey to a consistent and happy bedtime routine.

Right from when Munchkin was born I wanted to have a set bedtime, but for the first few months it wasn't to be. I've written before about what a sensitive and high-needs little person she is. I quickly discovered that while a sense of rhthym was something I strived for on a daily basis, but any actual routine was impossible.

She screamed in the bath, refused any attempts at infant massage. We tried white noise CDs, sleepy essential oils, baby calming homeopathic treatments, but she would have none of it. Sometimes she was so so tired her eyes would look like they were on stalks, and we would have to drive up and down the motorway with our Baby Mozart CD on full bore to get her to sleep - and even that wasn't failsafe. Sometimes we found that bouncing her quite firmly on our laps, facing outwards, while watching television (not very Steiner I know but desperate times) would get her off to sleep - she was so unpredictable.

Until she was turned one, bed time was anywhere from 6.30 till 10.00. Routine was not even in our vocabulary.

We wanted a bed time, but we knew that she wasn't ready for this level of external structure. You try putting a child to bed who is bouncing off the walls, or turning purple with rage at the idea that you might be 'winding down'.



So for us it was baby steps all the way.



Then finally, at around I think 13 months or so, I started taking her to bed each night, shutting the door, and reading stories, singing songs, nursing and cuddling, with the lights dimmed.



There was some resistance to this as she would try to bash the door down and collapse in my arms in tears at this new routine. But her protests were shortlived - she was finally at the age where she was ready for a more rhythmical bedtime.

Now some nights she takes my hand and leads me to her bedroom ... while blowing kisses at her Dad. She knows the drill.

So, our routine is a little different now from the common wisdom around bedtime routine.

For us, it worked to give her a bath before dinner, not after as seems to be the common wisdom. Bathtime is just too exciting, too stimulating for our sensitive little girl.


We have a bath around 4.45, and then dinner as a family most nights, at about 5.30. Then by 6.00 dinner is over and she has quiet play with her Dad, sometimes in her bedroom. At 6.30 its time for teeth brushing and bed time stories in bed with mummy, and lots of milkies. By 7.00 she is usually asleep.

So, if any of you are struggling with this whole bedtime routine, believe me, it does get better. I'd love to hear what your bedtime routines are.

So just what is 'Attachment Parenting'

In the early days with Munchkin, when she wouldn't sleep, wouldn't settle and I didn't know what to do - I found Attachment Parenting International on the internet one night and cried - there were other people who felt like me! Their eight principles should be handed out to all new mothers in my terribly humble opinion.

Now, API have a wonderful new site with a blog and forums and all sorts of wonderful information. Head over and check it out. I laughed though because already debate is starting on their forums and in their blog comments about the very sensitive definition of attachment parenting. Its very easy for people in attachment parenting circles to become precious about 'how to do it', and for mothers to end up feel like they aren't 'AP' enough to belong.

To me, being an attachment parent is about an attitude, and a belief - rather than a set of ‘have tos’. Attachment parenting is wanting to develope a very strong bond with your baby, to give your baby as many of the proven benefits of having a strong primary attachment.

The core AP practices according to William Sears who developed the AP approach are ‘birth bonding, babywearing , responding to your baby’s cries, breastfeeding, sharing sleep (which can be sleeping in the same room) and balance'.

AP doesn’t have to mean breastfeeding for-ever, but it does mean weaning gradually with love rather than cold turkey. For a lot of AP mums, this will mean child led weaning at whatever age this happens. But if you want your body back and feel exhausted breastfeeding your two year old, this doesn't mean you are not 'AP enough'.

AP certainly doesn’t mean no boundaries or discipline, but it does mean no smacking or harsh punishments. Think 'loving guidance' not 'anything goes'.

AP doesn’t mean no routine, but it does mean feeding on baby’s cues especially in the early days, and working gently towards a routine that suits everyone.

AP doesn’t always mean no bottles, although it is strongly pro-breastfeeding. But you would give the bottle lovingly, holding your baby gently and close. You can ‘fail’ at breastfeeding and still get an ‘A+’ in Attachment Parenting.

AP definately doesn’t mean no-nappies (or cloth nappies). But no-nappy people find it makes them feel they know their babys better - not something I have done though!

AP doesn’t even have to mean no strollers. Strollers can be really handy. But AP parents also want to spend time with baby close, especially if they are upset, so AP parents are likely to use a sling or baby carrier especially for the first six months or so until they can crawl!

AP does stress the importance of a happy baby and wider family, so BALANCE is the most important Attachment Parenting principle.

What I love about toddlers

Munchkin has just turned 18 months. Its a cliche, but where did the time go! Particularly the last six months - they have just disappeared.

18 months is a beautiful age. She is on the cusp of becoming a little girl, rather than a baby.

Her walking is becoming less of a 'waddle', and she is starting to run. Her words are becoming clearer and clearer, not just 'no no no' but 'yesss' as well. She knows the names of everyone in our family, and we spend hours looking at the photo albums practicing saying their names. New words appear everyday. Yesterday it was 'garlic', the day before it was 'gumboot'. Her little voice is the most beautiful sound I can imagine, it lights up my world.

She is such an affectionate wee girl, she loves to give cuddles and kisses. When she is frustrated or upset, she will throw her arms around my neck as she sobs her little heart out.

I love the look of attention that she gets when she is focussed on something, like using the brush and pan to try to sweep up the floor, or put objects in a box, or pull apart the plastics drawer. She adores bumping down stairs on her bottom, and will laugh hysterically the whole way down. She loves to splash in water, stomp in puddles, and occassionally to try to drink the water that pools on our deck.

She loves other children, particularly those older than her. If they will let her, she will give them big cuddles, and then follow them around like a devoted puppy dog.

These months have already passed by all too fast. Munchkin, your second birthday will be here all too fast. We love you so much.

The Incarnating Child

"This Divine Feminine principle is most fully represented on earth in the mother and child. Thus today does motherhood give the possibility of revealing the Divine in its archetypal feminine form. It should be said that a true and conscious art of motherhood as it is practised by an increasing number of young women, gives an opportunity for the Divine Mother Being to work into human souls on earth, to be manifested amongst us. "

On my bookshelf at the moment is The Incarnating Child by Joan Salter.

Its such a strange book that I almost didn't write about it. The combination of her generation (she would be my Grandmothers age) and her extreme Anthroposophism means that a lot of it it pretty out there. She recommends 'nipple preparation', is against extended breastfeeding, and recommends a level of controlled crying. She suggests that cows milk is "the ideal food to help the child incarnate" - and comes dangerously close to suggesting that mothers should give cows milk over formula even in the first year. Fruits which grow above the earth should be introduced before vegetables that grow on the earth, and then root vegetables which grow under the earth. That is, unless your child has a large head, and is therefore a slow incarnator. They need root vegetables early to balance out their dreaminess. I could go on.

All of this makes me nervous, and is certainly at odds with the way most Steiner people I have met go about their lives. The 'Anthros' I know (and I invite lots of comments please) seem to see the 'indications of Rudolf Steiner' as revealing, but don't treat them as gospel.

Although I would hate for anyone to think this is what all Steiner mums are like, I have thorougly enjoyed reading it. It reads a little like a 1950s home economics text, or for that matter Ms Stricy-Pants Gina Ford - its terribly precise and prescriptive with no room for questions. But, at the same, time, I actually found myself agreeing with an awful lot that she says.

- Exposure to the worlds rush and bustle must be avoided (for newborns). The best music for this ages is a softly played lyre or flute ; and lullabies, sund by mother and grandmothers down the ages, have a timeless value.

- The best colours for baby are rosy pink, mauve, pale blue, a sunny yellow, or creamy white. Brown and green should be avoided, for they are too 'earth' for the young child'

-For a child under a year old to wear a flimsy top only ... is contrary to the laws of Nature ... it is asking for body organ degeneration in later life.

- A common error is to expect a young child to be capable of making a choice ... How much better for the child if Mother, in a cheerful and authoritative voice says 'Bathtime now! come and get dressed"

- Television watching ... induces passivity and cripples initiative

- If someone gives you a 'horror' as a baby gift, have the courage not to use it! The well being of the baby is the prime consideration.


and my very favourite just to leave you with ...


- The deplorable Mr Men series is a sorry and degrading portrayal of everything human. It can only undermine a child's respect for what shoud be the dignity of man.

Whatever the weather, we will still have fun together

Munchkin’s favourite past-time is playing outside. We have a small section, with grass, trees, and some decking and stairs out front and back. She runs and runs, around the grass, up the stairs, along the deck, across the pavers. She picks up leaves, plays with stones, lies down on the grass and laughs hysterically. If its raining she sits down, and pokes out her tongue to drink the water. If its windy she puts her neck forward and runs, as if trying to kiss the breeze.

Personally, I’m more a fan of the great indoors. A duvet, hot water bottle and a good book are more my thing that a sleeping bag, tent, and a thermos. But I see how much pleasure Munchkin gets from being outside, in nature. So I put on my woolly hat and my boots and jump in to the leaves along side her.

Rain or shine, we get outdoors everyday. We go to parks and gardens and playgrounds. We feed ducks. We hug trees. We play in the leaves. We go to the beach and get covered in sand. We get wet, messy, cold, and down right dirty.

Sometimes it seems too miserable to go outside, too windy, too cold. I take inspiration from Rahima Baldwin Dancy who tells the story of a kindergarten in Germany where the children go outside everyday, whatever the weather. She says ‘there is no such thing as inappropriate weather, only inappropriate clothing’. That's become our motto around here too.

Slow down … you move too fast

Over the last three weeks, our playgroup has had a few sessions with a woman from the Steiner federation. It has been an amazing experience, but I have struggled to write about it because it has affected me so personally.

As a mother who rushes around at high speed, speaks very quickly, spends hours on the internet, schedules activities in for every day, works part time, loves the company of others and gets extremely jittery at the thought of spending time alone … a lot of what this woman had to say was very hard to hear.

Of course, I am paraphrasing terribly, and I welcome comments from anyone that thinks I have gotten the wrong end of the Steiner stick!

We all know the way we speak to our children can be deeply harmful, but we often forget that it can be extremely helpful, and healing. Young children absorb everything they experience into their very being. In that sense, the way we speak to them actually forms who they are.

By being fully present when we speak, by choosing our words consciously, by speaking slowly, calmly, peacefully we help our children develop fully. Beautiful words will have a very positive affect, just as ugly words will harm our children.

Filling our homes with artificial voices – the television, the radio, recorded music – confuses the child and is no substitute for the living voice. It is only the living voice that can be the powerfully positive, healing force that we desire. Children need to hear their mother and father speaking to them, singing to them, telling them stories..

Children are very sensitive to sense impressions and even a trip to the supermarket, with its bright lights, colours and noises, will be incredibly overwhelming. It is important to give our children a rich home-life – and that means spending a lot of time at home, just pottering about quietly doing home-making activities. Children won’t get bored doing this – they will love imitating their mother, playing with a few simple toys, running around the garden. It is the mothers that get bored. Many mothers are ‘too much in the mind’ with a running commentary going through our heads, thinking about the next thing we need to do, giving off a busy, nervous energy.

She commented that when mothers live ‘in their heads’ and rush their children around over-filling them with sense impressions, the children too become manic, over-wraught, excitable. Homes are filled with so many toys – these can be pared down to just a very very few quality toys that the child can love.

What she said has had a big impact on me. Initially - I wanted to reject everything she was saying. After all, we don’t watch TV, hardly go to the mall, our activities usually take place outdoors and close to nature. We might be busy, but I really thought that Munchkin likes going out, being busy as much as I do – and I would go crazy spending a day at home. I thought of women of my mothers generation, who suffered from terrible loneliness without the social support networks we have today.

But, as I thought about it, the truth of these teachings really hit me. Of course, adopting these teachings doesn’t mean we stop seeing other people. Or that we stop going out. But spending more time at home, not doing anything in particular has made a big difference. Munchkin thrives on this. And surprisingly, I’m really enjoying it too.

Let it wait - Steiner and delayed academics

My copy of You Are Your Child's First Teacher is due back at the library on Monday, so I’ve been busily re-reading it. As soon as a second hand copy comes up I’ll be jumping to buy it – it is such a wonderful resource. One of my favourite chapters is on cognitive development and early childhood education.

One of the things people often struggle with about Waldorf schools is the delayed academics, in particular not teaching reading until the age of seven. As Baldwin-Darcy says ‘there is tremendous pressure in our society to teach reading, writing and math to children at an increasingly early age’.

Parents I know delight when their three year olds love books and start to recognize words. Understandably, we are all so proud of our children, we want them to achieve. But what are they achieving?

“Little children can copy at a rote level, but they’re probably not using the (neurological) circuits which will connect with meaning. Let it wait. Children of this age should not be sitting at desks, doing academic tasks. Get their busy brains out doing and learning, not practicing lower level skills” Jane Healy – Your Child’s Growing Mind

In fact, there is no evidence that early academics has any long term benefits at all – despite not being taught to read before the age of seven, by age nine Waldorf /Steiner educated kids are achieving just as well academically.
Baldwin-Darcy describes a typical Steiner kindergarten (for 3-6 year olds). The days activities include story time, snack time, arts and crafts, a movement and singing circle, and lots of free play, usually outside. Rather than copying letters and struggling with maths, these five and six year olds are crafting animals out of beeswax, making bread, digging in the sandpit, singing songs, running, exploring, having fun. Of course they are learning, but the three ‘r’s are not the focus here.

Reading this made me think of what delayed academics might have meant for some people I know who hated school. Right from day one, they struggled with reading, hated sitting still. Right from day one, they were labeled as ‘struggling’. Meetings were held with their parents. Extra tuition was sought. By the time they were seven, about the age that Steiner kids are just starting more structured lessons, these children were convinced they were dumb.
One man I spoke to said ‘class-room – dumb. after school tuition – dumber. Reading recovery programme – dumbest’.

I loved school. I loved writing, I loved reading, and I shied away from anything artistic or physical. I was not the ideal Steiner child. I wonder if a Steiner/Waldorf school would have made me a more balanced person – rather than being labeled as an ‘academic’ sort of child at the tender age of 4. Perhaps more physical play, more singing, more painting and crafting would simply have been more fun, more healthy than reading chapter books at 6. I don’t know.

So why do we push our children so hard? Is it from pride – that we want our little Munchkins to prove how clever they are? It is from fear – that if they don’t start early they will never catch up? Is it because we think that’s what good parents do – after all every mainstream parenting magazine has ads from Leapfrog and Fisher Price encouraging us to buy their ‘educational’ toys. I suspect it’s a little bit of all of these things – a symptom of our middle class neurosis